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 jokes if easily offended stay away :p

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flynty



Number of posts : 186
Age : 37
Location : yorkshire
Registration date : 2008-02-23

PostSubject: jokes if easily offended stay away :p   Tue Jun 17, 2008 10:21 am

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

The next evening the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." The bartender thinks to himself, "The man can't be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, tonight he must have enough money", and gives beer to everyone. After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

One evening later the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar."
In disgust, the bartender asks "What, no beer for me this time?"
"No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."
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flynty



Number of posts : 186
Age : 37
Location : yorkshire
Registration date : 2008-02-23

PostSubject: Re: jokes if easily offended stay away :p   Fri Jun 20, 2008 5:15 pm

There was a very self-sufficient blind man, who did a lot of traveling alone. He was making his first trip to Texas and happened to be seated next to a Texan on the flight.
The Texan spent a lot of time telling him how everything is bigger and better in Texas. By the time the blind man had reached his destination, a large resort hotel, he was very excited about being in Texas.
The long trip had worn him out a little so he decided to stop at the bar for a small soda and a light snack before going up to his room to unpack this clothes.
When the waitress set down his drink, it was in a huge mug. "Wow, I had heard everything in Texas is bigger," he told her.
"That's right,"she replied. The blind man ate his snack and finished his drink. After drinking such a large amount, it was only natural his next stop was going to have to be the restroom. He asked the waitress for directions. She told him to turn left at the register and it would be the second door on the right.
He reached the first door and continued down the hall. A few steps later he stumbled slightly and missed the second door altogether and ended up going through the 3rd door instead. Not realizing he had entered the swimming area he walked forward and immediately fell into the swimming pool.
Remembering everything he had heard about things being bigger in Texas, as soon as he had his head above water he started shouting "Don't flush! Don't flush!"
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KarletShan

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Number of posts : 2
Age : 28
Location : Utah, Deep South of the Wild West
Registration date : 2008-06-17

PostSubject: Re: jokes if easily offended stay away :p   Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:02 am

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

A: Because she's a woman.

-----

In Shakespeare class, stare at the girls' breasts and call yourself "King Leer". It's not harassment if it's in pun form.

----

There, now the disclamer is worth something.
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BACONLORD



Number of posts : 5
Age : 43
Location : California
Registration date : 2008-08-14

PostSubject: Re: jokes if easily offended stay away :p   Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:06 pm

So the Pope is told by his docotors that he is very ill and may die in the next 6 months if he dosen't have sex, the only thing that can cure him. The Pope takes time to pray for guidance on the matter.
After a day and a night of prayer, the Pope comes out of his room and announces to the doctors there are three conditions to his cure:
1. SHe must be blind so she can not see who she is with
2. she must be deaf so she can tell no-one who she is with
The Doctors eagerly await the third instruction....
3. Big tits.
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